Oct 20- Happy 50th Birthday Mom

To day is the day my mom would have turned 50 years old. She was exactly 20 years and 1 month older than myself. This would have big a couple of big birthdays for us. It hard to think of her as being 50. She is engraved in my mind as a 38 year old women.

When I remember her, I don't remember the last few months when she was really sick. I don't remember the bad times. Those are there in my memory, don't get me wrong. Those images I will never be able to get out, even if I wanted to. But when someone like a friend or even my little sister, who remembers so little of her, asks what was she like, I remember her alive and vivacious.

JoAnn Walkingshaw DeMie was a fighter. She was a fighter even before she got breast cancer. She was strong willed and stubborn. If she wanted something, or if one of her girls wanting something, she fought till it was hers, or theirs. She didn't let people push her around. Her and I went at it many times during my adolescence. Now you all know where I get it.

My mother instilled in me a sense to be more than circustance should allow. To achieve higher than my parents. To want more in life than she could give, no matter how hard she tried. For that, I am forever gratefull. I graduated from the Univeristy of Utah with my bachelors in Psychology in 2004. I worked full time and put myself and my husband through school. Without the detirmination that she gave me when I was young, I don't know that I would have done it. Now I expect even more out of my children.

My mother loved to laugh and was a good friend, sister and daughter. She would do anything for anyone, but had a hard time accepting help from anyone else. She got embarrassed easily and didn't like a lot of attention on herself.

She cussed like a sailor, minus the f bomb.

She encouraged all her girls to go to church when we were young and to be baptized, even though she herself didn't attend. She knew that the teachings were right and the church instilled good values. She may not have attended church meetings, but she led a farely clean life. She didn't smoke and drank only a handful of times that I can remember. Because of her example it wasn't hard for me to find the LDS life difficult. The ground work was laid out for me, all I had to do was start attending meetings. Again, she wanted more for her girls than she had been able to do. And I want more for my children than I will be able to accomplish.

Mom, I miss you every minute, of every day, of every year, since you've been gone. I wish I had you to fight with and laugh with. I wish I could call you when my kids got the chicken pox. I wish I had you to babysit when I need a night off. I wish we could make our Thanksgiving dinner together like we did so many times. I wish I could see all your tacky Christmas decorations. I wish my kids knew their grandma Joey. I wish you were here last night when your 3 girls and their 3 husbands, and your 5 grandchildren celebrated your 50th birthday. I love you mom!